Good Listening Makes a Great Peacemaker
Written by Greg Gifford| Associate Pastor of Counseling and Life Groups
“Probably all you will think about him [the humble person] is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him.” 1
Humble people take interest in you, they do hear you out, they take time to understand you, and they protect your words. A topic that is always important—especially before the holidays—is the topic of being people who promote peace, rather than stir conflict. In this short article, I hope to show you that humble people are the best peacemakers, in part, because they are great listeners.
Humble People and Peace
Humble people are described in the Scripture as counting others as more significant than themselves (Phil. 2:3), preferring other people’s interests (Phil. 2:4), as submissive to God (James 4:10), and as gentle (Eph. 4:2). Humble people are truly a joy to interact with, not because they are dejected, and we feel superior when we talk to them. Rather, it is because they are winsomely engaged in relationship with us. Honoring and serving with us. Listening and talking with us. Humble people are truly interested in us.
It should be no surprise that where the antithesis of humility—selfish-ambition—exists there is “disorder and every vile practice” (James 3:16). Selfish-ambition is the dynamite to peace: it destroys peace and leaves pieces of discord everywhere. Selfish ambition brings conflict and anarchy. Selfish ambition leaves in its wake conflict; humility leaves in its wake peace “and a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (James 3:18).
Peacemakers
Jesus describes peacemakers as “one who makes peace” or “a person who restores peace between people” in Matthew 5:9.[2] Peacemakers help facilitate the peace of God to relationships around them. Where chaos and quarreling exist, peacemakers bring quiet and clarity. In order to be a peacemaker, as has been taught by many, a person must be willing to “get the log out of their eye.”[3] These are the direct words of Jesus in Matthew 7:5. It’s a way of evaluating and owning any faults you may have that are contributing to conflict. Let me say it another way, it’s pausing to listen and evaluate what might be causing conflict—and owning responsibility for those reasons. Even if it’s your actions.
An old proverb once said, “there is none so deaf as those who won’t hear.” And prideful people won’t hear. They don’t want to hear about what they could improve, they don’t want to evaluate how they could change, to use Jesus’ words: they won’t “remove the log.” Conversely, humble people will promote peace because they are willing to remove the log or consider if there is a log.
Humble People are Better Peacemakers
That’s what makes humble people better peacemakers. They are willing to listen and understand. They see nuance. They ask … to listen … to understand. Prideful people don’t do this because they ultimately don’t care. They’re not interested; they have their own agenda. But humble people, as C.S. Lewis said, take a real interest in what you say to them. I’m convinced that we can disagree, while completely understanding each other, and still be at peace with each other on matters of preference. That’s what it looks like to be a peacemaker.
Perhaps this is the key message of promoting peace that needs to permeate our daily life in the upcoming holidays and beyond? Be humble and work on your listening skills. When you write off what another person is going to say before they’ve said it—that’s not humility. When you put a person into a certain category without hearing them out, that’s not humility. Or when you have a response before you’ve listened, that’s not humility, either. Humility, as opposed to selfish ambition, propels us to listen to others. And when we listen to others with understanding, we find less discord and more peace.
To Listen or Not to Listen …
FCC, let’s be good listeners. Are we listening or failing to listen? When Paul appeals for there to be unity and peace in the Philippian church, he does so based on humility—the humility of Christ to be exact (Phil. 2:5). Christ didn’t cling to his own rights, but forfeited them. He became obedient to the point of death. And if Christ can put others’ interests before his own, what would stop us from doing so? This holiday season, let’s be humble listeners who leave peace, not conflict, in our wake.
Questions for Reflection:
- In what ways do you need to specifically grow as a listener?
- Can you identify someone in your relational sphere who models humble listening that you could learn from?
- How can you better prioritize others?
- Are there relationships you need to mend because you’ve been divisive?
[1] C.S. Lewis, The Complete C.S. Lewis Signature Classics (New York, NY: Harper One, 2002), 108.
[2] Rogers and Rogers, The New Linguistic and Exegetical Key to the Greek New Testament, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1998), 9. Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains (New York: United Bible Societies, 1996), 502. A point of clarity: inevitably there will be conflict with the proclamation of the Gospel (Matt. 10:34), but there should be relational peace within the body of Christ (Eph. 4:1-3).
[3] Cf. Matthew 7:1-5 and Ken Sande, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 2004), 75.